"Romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece."

"To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

"What good is money if it can't inspire terror in your fellow man?"

"Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come."

"I thought I had an appetite for destruction, but all I wanted was a club sandwich."

"Aren't we forgeting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa."

"Whenever you find a man who says he doesn't believe in a real Right and Wrong, you will find the same man going back on this a moment later."

"I believe, and I say it is true Democratic feeling, that all the measures of the government are directed to the purpose of making the rich richer and the poor poorer."

"While the gentleman cherishes benign rule, the small man cherishes his native land. While the gentleman cherishes a respect for the law, the small man cherishes generous treatment."

"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives."

"Who is wise? He that learns from every One. Who is powerful? He that governs his Passions. Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody."

"Maybe the gift of any great person is the power to converse with our own hearts."